On being eighteenth

& so God took six days to create everything that he had to create. On the seventh day he was very serene. He sat with a good old bottle of Jack Daniels at the beach and plopped his front porch for all the good job that he did. Then,millions of years later as he still was working on his dream called creating ‘people’ distinctly for this country which he categorically likes to fill with a lot *that* kind,he had some garbage.Seeing that he created me as a form of divine trash!!

And I continue to live as the last of its kind.I shall turn nineteen tomorrow and with divine good wishes I shall carry with me to my next year some off-color bouts of fever.Hail birthday spirit!

From tomorrow onwards,I shall officially lose my right to throw tantrums that can be simply passed off with a remark  ‘it’s her age.’

I shall be losing my teenagehood or whatever that is, though I still look like I can pass off as a preadult querulous kid.

I shall have to hide my buoyancy in almost everything with a pessimistic authenticity about the world where I comment on almost everything with a oh-i-know-about-this-too nod and continue with a see- how-the-world-is-changing kind of a sigh.

I am now officially supposed to act mature like, answer politely to all  questions  thrown at me  instead of answering with some badly deduced sarcasm. Anyway sarcasm doesn’t help anymore nowadays.

And yeah the impalpable look to almost all questions thrown at me will definitely have to go.

And so I shall enter a new decade of my life.

And I shall continue to live.Sigh!

My Noboborsho Resolutions-Giggle not you yecchy creatures..

Do not scoff at me, point at me and laugh (well you are free to do that ‘coz i wont care two pence because I’m used to it  .) I’ll make ‘Bengali new year resolutions and vow to keep them. The KKR team may actually win a match this edition, Suhel Seth and Mamata Banerjee might have a passionate, doting relationship but my resolutions will not be broken!

1. I will not warn my friends that Coffee House’s coffee renders men impotent.  I will especially not say this ‘coz my only evidence is a college street’s local crazy dog who might have been purposively made impotent so that the cafe’s owner could route all his (I mean the dog’s  ) sexual letdown towards the ones who play cards in the iconic C’House !

2. I will certainly not pipe dream about a certain professor ; I will not sit the first bench in his class and brainstorm if he looks better in stripes or checks, black or blue. It is offensive, blasphemous, indecent…but oh he is soooo….ok, SORRY!

3.I will try to summon into mind the names of all my friends’ boyfriends even if they substitute on a weekly or monthly basis. I will not mess up get-togethers by calling someone’s present boyfriend by their previous’s name. If two of best friends share one guy, I will try and admire their spirit of giving . Boy friends telling their girls choose between career, family and me …girls choosing the later with pride, sindoor mangalsutra style…I will not poke fun at these situations anymore.

4. I will not have chips. Every time fries cajole me with their smell and crunchy touch I will try to see in the mind’s eye the ocean of oil they have been drenched in.

There are piles of things that I need to do…like lose weight, write *substantial* blogs, delete Orkut account permanently ( snigger not you foul creatures  ) , read good articles like Garfield and Calvin_Hobbes and quote them in fair places and get through life without falling into gutters in every second step. So heres to the end of a year and to the beginning of another worthless year

puzzling queries of life!

If nothing else, life definitely has an extra dose of question and answer till you hit 40 after which the active-peeping hormonal dabs seem to understand the red signal finally. Not that I am chastening others. I am as snoopy as these fellows, just smart enough to keep my mouth shut on some occasions(Well, most of the time  ). Though the barricade level of the poll pattern gets higher as one proceeds up in the age-ladder till its time for the person to do-on the helmet of the quiz master himself, us young mortals standing with trembling fuzzy legs on the cliff of teenage-hood aren’t spared either. 

Well,humans are social beings. So for the unfeasible cause of social well-being, we say stuffs we really don’t mean. Such has been the case for me in current times. A number of times what I say, isn’t really what I mean to say.Here are some of the horrible examples:

1. Do you have a boyfriend? (I disfavor the terminology.)

Me: Depends on whom you categorize as a boyfriend. No I have ten male consorts whom I replace every week!

2. What are you planning to do after college?

Me: I intend to get married after giving advertisement  in the matrimonial or allowing my originators to bribe a male thing into marrying me and then shall be  purely concerned with knitting,cooking and  sewing!

3. Why do you want to study mathematics and not Physics honours?

Me: Oh it’s very easy. See, I am too good in Physics and I know everything so I needn’t study that. I am studying mathematics to far-off  logicalize myself so that I can enthuse the bribed folks who’ll be my in-laws.

4. How are the boys in your college? (Sleazy grin).

Me: What? Where? This is a co-ed institution? I didn’t notice.

5.You look so cute!

Me:Thank god you said that. I am using thousands of beauty products. Does it show? Pretty please tell me. I’ll be soooo happy!

6. What do you want to become in life?

Me: An possessor of a male harem with men wearing sparse clothes. I’ll throw one rupee notes as they shall dance like Rakhi Sawant.

7. Have you studied for the exam?

Me:Yes,Of course. And I am expecting nothing less than 100 percent in the result. See,I am so great.

8.A ‘big boned’ male friend:Do you think I’m Fat?

Me:You look perfect dear! By the way, let’s order low calorie salad today.

9. The best one of the lot: Why do you orkut?

Me: Hmm. I see. Hmm.

10.Fellow hard-hearted social animal: You are so thin.

Me: I know .You opened my eyes . I have those comical mirrors at home that make the thin look fat and…..Oh look at those adipose on you!

Concerning many other questions that are thrown at me,the answers in my observance are unquestionably censored stuff. By the way this does not imply that I don’t fall victim to asking these questions to others myself.

P.S: If this has hurt the sentiments of certain fellow beings, let me tell you that I did not intend to, and I can’t help if you are as sensitive as me. Go, enjoy being low.